I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately.

I've always considered myself a loyal, true, and honest friend ... although I'll admit there are times when I don't always follow through, or I'm a bit more "fair weather" than I should be. But on the whole, I think I'm a pretty good friend. When push comes to shove, Jason's a damn good ally and a solid source of support.

I wonder, then, why it seems I attract people who view friendship as a more fluid entity ... people who place unnecessary or inconsiderate conditions on their friendships. I hate to use the term "judgment," because I don't think the friends of whom I'm speaking judge me, really. But I do think they view decisions I've made in something of a harsh light.

It's indicative of all friendships that the individuals in question discuss both successes and failures, positives and negatives, joys and sorrows. Sure, there are undoubtedly times when the darker aspects of life permeate (to use one particular friend's favorite term) conversations ... but isn't it the job of a friend to listen, support, encourage, and weather those times? That's what I've always thought -- and how I've always behaved. But to be told the "negativity and pain" associated with discussions of late has caused one to distance oneself from the friendship because it has become too taxing or too much work ... well, I think it's bunk. It's human nature, perhaps, to pull away from situations that cause us distress ... but when your friend, a person who lives in your heart and shakes hands with your spirit, is in distress, is it really the "right" thing to do to call them out on what you perceive as "self-involved" behavior and pull out of the friendship simply because you're uncomfortable? To say you can't be around them for a while because it's too taxing? If that's the case, hell, I'd have no friends. I think gently reminding them that you're there for them, offering them alternatives to stressful situations, and perhaps explaining that they should take some time for themselves to re-evaluate and re-focus would be much more beneficial in the long run than saying "see ya, this is too real."

What my recent experience has taught me is that, in reality, we really are basically alone. Sure, we've got friends who won't treat us this way ... but ultimately, decisions are personal and no one can make them for us but us. What it's also taught me is that I refuse to let it alter how I view friendship and how I treat the people I'm oh-so fortunate enough to call my friends. They are my family, and I've more than got their backs. I just might look over my shoulder a little more often...